a new day

Hey all...



I think I am hanging up the the "30 days of clean" thing for now...at least till spring. It doesn't feel like the right timing on my end for sure. I just feel like I am on my way on a different journey.

I had this surge of passion come over me the other night. I found so many amazing blogs and sites that showcase little things that are just plain inspiring. I realized in my 2 hours of searching..."I am an artist"! I haven't done "art" that inspires and moves me in years-probably 10 years. I have done art for others on what they want and needs. That's when it hit me that I need an area of concentration-a time period if you will that I am going to let the Lord move through my work! Ahhhhhhhh...it sounds & feels so good. I have had this giddy feeling in me that is indescribable, and I really don't know what God is birthing in me-and still don't, but He is leading me on a journey of self discovery. Which takes my breathe away! It excites me! I almost feel like these past 8 months have been a prep period for me and my families awakening. Yes, this time has been humbling at times, stressful, lonely; but it has also been a prep time for us to see where the Lord wants us-and are we gonna be obedient? I have had questions...random questions- like "what are we gonna do with all this heart stuff?- do we get involved?" Where is Haiden gonna go to school? private/public/homeschooling? Are we done having kids? Will I ever lose this weight? What and when do I want to start painting again? How do I cut it off if I take a break? What is my purpose? When am I gonna have time and money to create a sanctuary space for Chris and I? How is life gonna be when we function as "normal"? What is "normal" now? Do I want to be "normal"? Whooohooow! Ya see the Lord is stirring me-I just know it! I dare say this cause it is scary to say-but if it is the Lord it will be amazing; but i feel that I am gonna take this next year for self discovery. No more jobs for people (murals, painting, etc) No more decorating jobs or graphics. A time to create and listen! A time to enrich and enjoy my family almost for the first time by nurturing through the Lord. To step "out"& discover what it is like as a family to go to church, travel, play dates, etc. But for the Lord to inspire me, pull at my heart strings, guide me, and expose me, but mostly use me! I really don't know what all of this looks like or how I will ween into, but I do know I need to be obedient. I need to be open. I need to be ready. I know this is random, but as we venture closer to a season where we can "come out of hibernation" if you will- I really want to experience more life and not go back to how it was. How could it be? I am forever changed. But I do know-it is what I know and all I know and could slip right back to it. Like all the mural jobs piling back up and having to stick my kids somewhere and so does the stress. And I have this nagging feeling that- that is not what i am about right now. Don't get me wrong i love to make things for everyone, give advice, and ramble ideas at lighting speed; but I want to have a clear schedule for me to hear the Lord & let Him lead me. I will always do this to an extent for those I know-cause it is in. But I now need to create as an artist- an artist who in my spare time would make art out of passion and love listening to worship music and worshipping Him through the gift He gave me- but now i want to use it to glorify Him. Wow- I wonder what this year is gonna bring to me so I can be a better wife, mom, daughter, friend, sister but mostly a child of God! He gave me this gift-I need to be ready to share it with those the Lord is allowing to touch- thanks for hearing my heart and taking this journey with me. I have a few jobs i am finishing then it is time to get moving!