this week i am starting a month challenge and trying to beat this physical and mental struggle. this thyroid and adrenal stuff sucks! i am really trying to transform my thinking and heal my body with food and exercise! i can do!
I can't believe it! It has been ONE year today since our Lil' Brave Heart had his open-heart by-pass surgery. November 11, 2008 was his new heart repair day. This has been a very slow yet fast year. Does that make sense? So glad that all of this is behind us and we can figure out how to live. That has been the hard part breaking out of this unusual way of life. I really don't think people grasp the sacrifices made since Schafer's birth just to keep him and everyone around him healthy. This was cabin fever to the extreme...imagine when there is an ice storm and you are in your house for 2-3 days. Most people are about to go nuts! I had 11 months of that pretty much then finally when we get the green light...flu stuff hits everyone like wild fire. One of the very things they told us to protect him from. So hard to settle the nerves and get rid of the conditioning we adopted...even months after the surgery. But all this time away from most things brought a family together closer than ever! So thankful for that. I know my new found germaphobia will settle a bit over time and my lighting fast eyes watching everyone and everything going on have to do with germs should settle to half speed. You laugh, but I can't turn it off. I think I can hear a nose being picked from the other room;). Let's not try it around me y'all...that is just sick...then you'll get sick cause you just stuck swine flu germs up your nose cause you didn't wash your hands after you touched door knobs, or elevator buttons, or your steering wheel (where you last picked your nose)etc. etc. etc. Do you see how crazy you can get!:) I came across my list of advice for other heart parents going through this the other day. I remember thinking that if i don't write it down as i go through things I will forget the heavy emotion behind it. Man, that is so true. I read things to tell others that I have already forgot about, but quickly felt when I re-read certain parts. I so have a heart for heart parents and i know the lord will open doors in that area. I didn't realize that i needed a break and time to regroup and heal myself. Take a break from blogging and focus more on living. So sweet. Anyway, the Lord has been so faithful and truly life-changing! Thank-you Jesus! He is my sweet lil man...I love him so much! He is so engaging and sweet with this comical twist. So cute, but of course I think he is cute cause I'm his mom! But God is so good! Thank you all who have been so supportive and have been tolerant of our "breaking out in the world time".
I still have pictures i need to take of my friend reagan's house. Three rooms to be exact, but here are some pictures i did for her baby boy that is coming any day. It is a vintage car room, but with a twist. It has the old distress stuff but is combined with bright graphic print designs. It has turned out so cute. Lucky lil' guy! The other pics are of a church kids area I have been painting about 4 Saturdays in a row. Just finished last Saturday! Yeah! It looks very cute in person. Some times i don't like posting stuff cause it just doesn't look right. But you'll get the idea. I also did some children's ministry paintings for the same church (church of the servant-across from galardia) in there main area for directional purposes. The canvases are 4x5ft. each...I did 5 of them. Let me say that my poor living area was full! Well, here they are...enjoy! Taking a break in October...kinda. Working on my house in some areas and taking pictures of two families. Then who knows what next!
I have wanted so much to post something for awhile but it just hasn't seemed right to me. Even on Facebook I haven't left many if any posts. I think I have needed an "info" computer break from everyone. I love knowing the news, journeys, struggles, musings and everything else in between of those I know, but I think I needed a break emotionally from all that. This is the first season in which our family is "slowly" venturing out and experiencing life together has a family. Some cool moments that seem so routine to everyone else, but i would pause and stare and reflect was going to one of the frozen yogurt places as a family (so small but such a great time). We also went to dinner with some good friends and it was so weird that Haiden could use a booster seat and Schafer needed a high chair. I know it sounds silly, but I too haven't thought of these transitions til I am there and experiencing them. I sometimes stop and think..."oh my gosh...this is crazy that is the first time I've done this with my family of 4 when everyone I know with 4 or more it is second nature". It will get there soon. That is just me. I will get it down and it too will be a second nature. All that to say, that though our summer isn't crazy eventful it is fast enough for me. I have also taken on a few painting and logo jobs. I really didn't mean for them to be at one time, but i promise that is how it ALWAYS works. I think that is why I stress. It usually works out I just have a few extra grays and happy customers in the end;). I'll post pics as they are winding up...really cute stuff. The big thing I have struggled with is what we want to do schooling wise with Haiden and Schafer. I've heard it all. Now, everyone...I don't need "devil's advocate comments" this is a prayerful decision that didn't come easy. I was a public school girl and i did go to private school for 3 years and I loved it. So I am not against those institutions of learning at all. I think you do what is best for your family. I have had a crazy amount of people peppered in my life that home school. I ask questions out of curiosity, but kinda glaze over as they talk cause I just don't see me doing that. But on the flip side...I felt sick sending her to public school and private right now money wise may not be a solid thing right now, but still not liking that option either. All that to say...I have been unsettled about any options, and I really wanted to be confident and excited about where we decide to educate our children. So recently there was a meeting about the pros and cons of homeschooling, and it was good. i didn't leave thinking, "Oh yes, I am gonna home school for sure". No, I had some great solid facts from reputable sources that I agreed with, but did i want that responsibility. I was still unsettled. Well the other day a good friend of ours was telling us about a wedding they went to and it was our "youth ministry days reunion". This was a group of kids (all grown-up) that came after Chris and I got married, but I know names and backgrounds of most. Our friend was telling us the complements from parents of these kids and that these youth are just doing amazing as adults and "love the Lord". And well, isn't that what it is all about at the end of the day. Well, what I didn't realize was most of those kids were home schooled. Their parents were involved and pouring into their lives more than peers and teachers did. Most parents get 2-3 hours an day to instill value, attitude, and anything else that they feel is important. The thing is that so many of the youth "had to find" there way themselves. Not alot of guiding from parents and alot of trust in each other to make life decisions. Did some make it through and turn out fine...sure I still communicate with them. Love them dearly. But when you look at your babies and think about unnecessary struggles, influences, under lying self-confidence problems, and really not able to converse well to adults or in front of people. Why not try. After all...the Lord gave us our kids to take care of. He also was telling us about this leader ship meeting and he was telling us about a title of a book "too small to ignore". Can I just tell you that that comment stuck. That morning I was painting a mural for a church and I had my ipod and was just listening to worship and getting lost in my thoughts. very little interruptions, phone calls, not taking care of anyone at the moment but getting lost in the Lord and painting. Which I would do all the time, but I haven't got to experience in awhile. It was truly a great time touching the Lord. I was at one time just tearing up and weeping as I was painting and It hit me hardcore. Yes, we are going to home school. My little babies are too small to ignore and trust others to pour into their precious lives. I have to at least take it one year at a time. I started getting excited! that is what I was looking for a peace with excitement. Thank you Lord for showing me what we need to do with our kiddos right now. I started thinking about haiden and what would kindergarten look like and let me tell you...fun exciting ideas just started flooding into my head. I never got to learn like that. And of course, I am already thinking of what our learning space will look like. I have to decorate;). Well, that is a touch of my heart and a small insight into our summer. I will try to post more soon. Lots of pics that I haven't posted either. Stay tuned.
Well, it has been hard to write this for some reason. I have searched my brain and heart as to why...cause on millions of levels I am so happy and over joyed that my sweet little man made it a year! And what a year to celebrate too. I normally try too hard when it comes to a birthday party. I try to do anything a budget will allow me to do. This party was so difficult...cause to us it was so much more than a 1st birthday party...it was a celebration. I wanted to figure out how to connect our year people missed with the heart surgery in the theme. I really didn't feel like I had to do everything in a "look what I can do" way, no this party was so special. It was more special to me than I thought. It really hit me HARD Sunday night as I was going to bed. Man, Chris and I bickered so much the week of on just trying to get things done, I couldn't make clear quick decisions, I felt very overwhelmed and scattered brained, I would remember what to do then in seconds forget, I never felt like I was done with the details...etc., etc., etc. It was very unsettling. I just had this funk and convenient enough it was the time of month I could have gone without that I'm sure didn't help. I truly felt like I was on a roller coaster..then it hit me that all these things were just things and I have my little boy alive and whole, healthy, and thriving. I really think that's why I kept trying to do more. Just trying in anyway to let people know how special, amazing, reflective, and that we survived and we are blessed. I just didn't realize this in the mist of the planning and executing that nothing can be better or more perfect than him. it just wasn't working for me.
I look at that little boy and he just fills me up with so much love. He is so amazing and he just takes my breathe away. I can't believe that Chris and I were picked to raise him and pour into him. I am so thankful that the Lord created his heart the way he did. It was perfect. I just want my sweet boy to know the Lord so he will then fill that perfect heart with Jesus some day.
To conclude the party...it was lovely. It went well, and we were surrounded by people that have loved us from afar as we have traveled this journey. We are so thankful for everyone of you out there that have poured your prayers, thoughts, golf tournament stuff, love and support to our family. It is so humbling and precious. We love you all! Can't wait for everyone to get to know our little man aka "brave heart". He will touch your heart...just wait til he smiles at you then you will understand. ps...the smilebox at the end has most of the video of schafer's first year we showed at the party. if you want to see the rest you will have to come over, eat popcorn, and hangout. :)
k guys...I promise I will update on our family, art stuff, stc. soon. My evenings and free time have been consumed with internet research stuff and editing pictures. BUT here are some fun sites to search.
I'm a Child of God that has many roles. A wife to Chris who is my best friend and partner in this life. We have two beautiful kids that reflect the purpose of why we are here. Haiden who is 3. She beams with personality. And our sweet little man Schafer who is 17 months that is our little miracle. At times I feel so simple with a choatic life, yet sometimes I am choatic with a simple life. I think that is the life of a believer in Christ with a family. As a woman I strive for security and peace, but as you know that can be quite the feat so my goal is a simple phrase, "enjoy the journey".