light bulb moment

I know it has been awhile...I keep wanting to write something fun that was a project of mine or something clever, but I still have struggled with what is blog worthy. So, I thought I would just be real and share a light bulb moment with you all.
Not to keep bringing up my life these last 10 months, but it is my reality. I acutely noticed how everyone's life has moved on from how I remembered it. Some people are now close friends that I remember just meeting, some are not as close, little girls really don't know my little girl that well anymore but for her they are long lost friends she can't wait to play with as they run to the ones that have been there. You kinda think time stood still just for us, but it hasn't and I know that you just forget and have to adjust. At times I wonder "Why me? Why our family? I wonder what will come of this? How will God use this? How will he use me? How will he use Schafer? And on and on and on...This has totally been the scariest, exhausting, wildest, loneliest, worrisome, confusing, unstable, sweetest, trust building, eye-opening, fulfilling, amazing, life changing, passion building, rewarding, Christ-filled experience ever! The big question is...would I change it? NO.
God took an event in our family's journey and used it to touch us. Well, let me put it another way or in a question form. How can God heal someone that doesn't know they're sick? WOW! Let that sink in....go....................................k. I didn't know I was sick. I really was. Now let me try to explain. Before Schafer was born I was a self proclaimed "stay at home mom", but I painted my butt off all the way up to 8.5 months. I climbed 8-12 ft ladders so people could have poke-a-dot ceilings, swirls galore, glitter at every corner, pictures showcasing precious kid's names adorn with boas, and wild animal prints hugged in a harlequin shape. Phew...all the while I desperately tried to juggle haiden between my mom and a friend during the day so I could get it all done. Don't get me wrong...it is not a bad gig, but it is very time consuming and labor some especially when you are prego! On top of that hopping from life group, church, errands, grocery shopping, play dates, doctors visits, Chris' work, house cleaning, laundry etc. We all do it, but I really did feel full of activities and things and that God was where ever he could fit. Which was usually thought of when I crawled into bed and was about to fall asleep or at the Saturday night church experience. I think I grew "tolerant" of Him. Maybe that is what my sickness is called. Eew!!! That can't be good. I know the Christianise language, the right advice to friends, the check list of good little things we all claim we need more of. But for some reason I felt like I just ran a 100 mile marathon and was passing out and the Bible, prayer, and everything else you claim to do seemed distant, fatiguing, chore-like, and far from my reach. Sounds silly or does it? It was almost like I was spiritually numb. No LIFE. It took an event that humbly shook us to the core and made me isolated to the the rush of the world and the pressure to be all things and....STOP. I think I wanted to know his word and the knowledge of the Lord before that I forgot how to experience him in His fullness. How to touch Him. I still am learning, but it feels more full and healing than just words in the Bible. Cause that is all that it is unless it truly comes to LIFE. When was the last time you touched the Lord? Do you even know how? It isn't a check list of all the good little things we Christians stress over to do for the kingdom. Those are nice and nothing wrong, but when is the last time the Lord is your strength, peace, wisdom, understanding, love, patience, etc, etc, etc. Instead of asking him to help you with it. He is already with you and in you ready to guide YOU! It really is so simple and I make it so hard. All I can say is in these 10 months the Lord gave me a beautiful son that is a perfect reminder of His LOVE...Schafer has this scare that will ever remind me that the Lord not only healed my little sweet boy, but healed a family that realized we were sick too. Not anymore...praise the Lord! I am at awe of Him and can't wait to see what else He wants to do in us for his kingdom through a beautifully rough season in our life.